Misunderstood Emotions.

I need Jesus. I need Jesus. I want Jesus.
...I knew this moment would come…where I lose all ability to keep my feelings inside.. but who knew it would be sparked from stress in a midterm? Not me, but God has his ways.

I can’t do this. I need encouragement. This is killing me. How does anyone believe that I can study right now? How does anyone believe that I can pass my midterms? I’m running off of 3 hours of sleep people. …I need at least a B on AP Lit in order to keep my grades up…in order to maintain my grades for my college apps…and in order for me to actually be proud of myself for something. I don’t feel like I’m living. I’m breathing, but I’m not here…It’s like I’m in a trance. My heart hurts so much for you, mom, it’s like I am not here.

I’m almost in tears because of how stressed and tired I am right now. So much work…how can I do it? I have to read two essays and take notes, look up essays on Death of a Salesman answer 25 questions relating Death of a Salesman to Aristotle’s tragic formula so that I can be prepared for an essay tomorrow. I have to chose my essay rewrite, go back and reread that particular Hamlet soliloquy and take notes, write an outline for my rewrite essay, prepare for my essay #2 that I will do after my one on Salesman tomorrow, and somehow find Hamlet evidence and Death of a Salesman evidence WITHOUT rereading the entire book….AHHHHHHH. I’m tired! And yes, the whole point of this blog entry is to complain because I’m tired, and stressed, my mom is slowly dying- and I have to worry about midterms! Insanity! I say it again, Insanity!

I know if I don’t worry about midterms and I do badly then I won’t feel good about myself& be hard on myself, which will do nothing but depress me more. This is a lose-lose situation. Yes, I did make up a new phrase….Sorry for the complaints, I needed to get it out and no one would listen. Please think about me tomorrow as I am dying, tired, and probably so close to bursting out into tears that my teacher will notice….fantastic, not.
Love Always, Brittany