Defining Moments.

These are the defining moments. The last year of high school and the beginning years of college. They define us. These are the moments we choose careers, make lasting (or not lasting) friendships, go through the lulls with our faith, move out on our own, make our first paycheck, pay our first bill... no matter what it is we do, these are the moments that we really start to shape our hearts.

Senior year has already proven that to me. I am only a child. Still living at home, just starting my first job, driving all alone in a car, and learning how to make an actual meal, other than macaroni and cheese. Yet, I have ALREADY had so many experiences that others my age haven't.

I have done this all before, I have done all the motherly duties( cleaning, cooking, etc) before, and I have experienced heartbreak like no other.
4 of my friends all between the ages of 10-16 have had some type of cancer, I have ALWAYS dealt with people judging me... being kicked out of three of my normal classes, thrown into special ed, because the teachers assumed I was "too dumb or unable to participate in normal class discussion" all because I have adaptations to my Physical Education requirement.

I have had to mature quick quickly for multiple reasons : my own disability forced me to deal with adversity, my grandma's, great aunts, friends, and now mothers medical issues have forced me to mature and take on responsibilities at home and otherwise that would be considered abnormal for my age. However it's never bothered me. I believe that by being forced to mature and grow up faster I have found friends with varying age levels which help me to grow into a more responsible human being.

While I realize that the decisions made this year will and are shaping my heart, my desires, and who I am, I feel that I have already made these decisions earlier in life. I, unlike my friends, have already shaped my heart when I decided to help my mom with dinner instead of going to a party, taken care of my grandma instead of hanging out with my friends at a football game...I've already shaped my heart. I've already proven to myself that I want to take care of others above myself.

My friends this year are shaping their hearts.

One friend has decided to choose church over her favorite sport.

One believes getting a boyfriend should be the main focus of her school year. ( Not that I agree)

Another friend choose to take the wrong path and wants to party and drink because "its senior year, lets live a little". At least, that's what the majority of teenagers say.

I have decided to use these moments and continue shaping my heart as well.

My biggest fear of growing up and maturing is losing the ones I love and losing myself. I worry I will lose my faith, I fear I will lose my way, I fear I will lose my friends, I fear I will lose my encouragement.

So, I vow to use every moment of this year to find myself. Despite my busy life with work, school, and personal and current medical issues I need to really find ways to lose myself in God. I need to find ways to keep encouraged. I need to find what I love and pursue it... and most importantly, I need to ask others to come and comfort me, surround me, and love on me during these defining moments.
I can't do this alone anymore. I need encouragement. I need love. and I need these defining moments to be the best moments, and ones I cherish.

Love always and forever.

Your Daughter,
Brittany