Like a beggar on the street corner.

It has come to me. This morning as I was getting ready for school, I figured out just exactly how I feel.

Bare with me. The only way I can explain it is through a simile.

I feel like a beggar on the street corner.

The only way I can explain where I am at with my friends is through the image of a beggar on the street corner.

I am holding a sign written on regular cardboard.It says "Will work for acceptance. Will work for acknowledgment. Will work for friendship."
The board is simple: Just plain words written with a sharpie. The sign is larger than I- to symbolize how big these desires are in my heart.

I feel as though I am standing on the street corner waving my sign. As days pass by, my waving only becomes more frantic, desperate even.

I begin to be creative. Finding things around me like flashing lights and big red arrows, both which I attach to my sign.Neither mechanisms grab anymore attention than before. Still the cars and people, like my friends and peers- pass me by.

Not knowing where else to turn for acknowledgment, I begin to walk up to cars with my sign. The cars are stopped at the light-only momentarily. I have only minutes to catch their attention. No luck. They look at me and turn away. Not wanting to address my concerns.

Feeling more hopeless than ever... by night, I simple find my new home on the cement pathway and take a seat. I wait. Wait for morning to come. Wait for another opportunity to catch their attention.

Maybe tomorrow will be better? Maybe it won't.

This is how I am walking through my life with friends. I'm doing everything to gain their attention. Checking in on them, saying hello, asking them if they need anything,not mentioning my problems but rather asking about theirs.

When still I feel that they are not investing in me- I become desperate. Like the sign waivers on the street I confront them, casually hinting at my difficult day-hoping they realize that I want their friendship. I engage in conversation at the lunch break silently hoping they will recognize my presence in the group.No Luck.

Finally I have come to the end of my desperation. Where I simply give up. Sit and wait. Hope. Hint. Continue to invest in them. Love on them. Acknowledge them. In hopes that some day they will return the favor. Maybe they will ask to grab coffee? Or ask how I'm really doing? Then again, Maybe not.

Please, teach me to acknowledge those in pain... those in need of a friend- not for any specific reason, just because they want one.

Love your Daughter,
Brittany