Tuesday, May 3, 2011

"You made it all good for me…you made it alright."

"I think of you though, you don't know
 the reason why I love you so,
But never mind...
 Because you made it all good for me...you made it alright"(Stranger, by Elisa)

Mom, the title of this post seems to express what I feel for you tonight. This song always reminds of our camping trips in the 5th wheel. I remember one of our trips it was late at night and Shelby and I were on our beds in our “room” and blasting her Ipod with all of the songs from Elisa on it.

When you listen to the passion behind her words there is no need to explain why all her songs seem to speak to me lately.

To say 'I miss you" is worthless at this point. Mother’s day is this Sunday and I would give anything, sacrifice any of my dreams, pay any amount of money, have any amount of difficulty thrown my way if it meant that I could “come back home to you” (Lyric from Waves by Elisa).

Some of my favorite lines in Elisa’s songs…

“ It never began for us, it will never end for us”(song:Rainbow)

Mom, though I had a beautiful 17 years with you it sometimes seems that our life together never began. One of my biggest fears when you got sick was that you weren’t going to be able to stand at our HS graduation, I was worried you would be in a wheelchair… I knew if you were healthy you would have hated to be confined to sitting when we walked across the stage. You were loud, and I was worried you wouldn’t be able to scream for us as we walked to get our diploma….I now only wish that you could be in the audience next to dad.

Yet despite all of that, I know that my love for you will never end, no matter what.

“ ‘Cause its all about love, and I know better….how life is a waving feather”( song: Dancing)

Mom, I’ve grown and learned so much from watching you and I am so grateful for knowing and loving you.

“When I’m able to talk, I’m queen of my world” (song: Rock Your Soul)

Mom, you taught me how to talk without speaking. Words are much more powerful when they are so bound in love they don’t need to be spoken.

When you were trying to recovery, words weren’t necessary….because our love for each other spoke volumes.

Mom, I just wanted to remind you tonight that you made everything alright. Even when I have rough days or exhausting nights, you make it all good for me. Thanks for being here next to me for those 17 years of my life. I know somehow, though you aren’t here anymore, you will still make things alright.

Love Always and Forever

Your Daughter,