Sunday, April 25, 2010

Back-peadling...newspaper and test scores!

Dear Mom,
I wanted to tell you the good news I recieved on Friday!

I will be one of the two Editor-in-Chief's for my senior year!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I am so excited to finally have my dream come true! This means that you will soon be hearing about the horror and the wonderful stories that go along with gaining such an honor:) You will be happy to know that this also means a lot more scholarship opportunities!!

Second piece of good news: I recieved a 26 out of 36 on my ACT I took april 20th! That Is a really great score mom. I placed in the top 80 percent of the country in all subjects except science... (in other words 80 percent in reading, math, written, and oral language) :) I am so happy.

I finished up this last friday by spending the night with Charissa, Taylor Marquez, Olivia, and Courtnie at a worship night at the Pier. It was so intense and wonderful!

Mom, it was such a blessing to finally have some good news thrown at me this week! I was so worried i wasn't going to get Editor-in-Chief because i really dont have that much background in layout design which is crutial. I did! Ah mom im so excited i got to share this news with you somehow!

I am visiting you tomorrow! Keep strong mom. We love you more than you know!
Love your daughter,

Monday, April 19, 2010

They call it a smile, I call it pure bliss.

Yesterday afternoon dad, shelb, and I went to visit you at Walnut Whitney. Guess what Mom? You smiled. it was only half a smile really because only your left side did it but it was a smile none the less.

You have no idea how happy that made the three of us! Shelby says it was, and I quote "The best day of my life...I made my mom smile..Twice!" Thank you for that mom!Thank you for blessing Shelby's day... because by doing that you blessed mine.I love you. Brittany

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Trying to tear down my walls

To my beautiful mother, I'm finally willing to try and explain to you what is going on in my heart.

Beare with me though please i might need to get a couple boxes of tissues along the way.

Why is this so hard for me? It has been four months since I've been able to hear your voice. Four months since I have been able to lie down next to you and chat about life. Four months since I have been able to taste your delicious food. Four months since I've been able to arrive home from school...swing open the door into the house... and see your face pop out from the kitchen.Four months since I have been able to sit in the car with you as you drive me to wherever i please. Four months since I've heard you sing "Boom Boom Pow" or " Single Ladies".

I have about, according to the doctors, 10 more months to endure.The last time I really wrote to you on here was in Feburary. At that point I had felt I may finally be begining to adjust to your absence. I was SO wrong:(.

Its almost May now... I still dream of what the future may hold for our family. I still have sudden realizations that I will NEVER be able to sit in a car and have you drive me places.It still dawns on me every so often that you may Never be able to teach me how to cook. It still scares me that you may be stuck in a wheelchair the rest of your life. I've always dreamed of more than that for you.

December 22nd, the evening before this whole nightmare begun I promised you that I would continue wearing my ring that has a heart on it everyday untill you return home. Because at the time you felt i didnt wear it enough so I made you that promise. You still aren't home yet. I'm still wearing the ring you gave me in santa cruz. I promised you and i will keep that promise.

So.. as you can tell having you gone still has an impact on me today even four months later. The truth is mom, I wont ever get use to your absence. i will still have days when the only thing that would make me feel better is your voice.
The thing is mom, my friends do care about me.. this i know...but there is no way that they can feel my pain. I have to stop praying that they will comfort me in this because they can't .they may try but sometimes all they need to do is hug me..not say anything... just hug me.

So to my dismay i cant continue explaining my feelings anymore today.. it hurts me just to know that you are lying in Carmichael now(yippee) staring at a tv screen... and you have no idea how much my heart has grown for you. I love you always and forever. Britty

Sunday, April 11, 2010

waiting for you...

I'm sorry I havent written on here for a while.. it has been almost two months since my last post. I'm sorry...this place has just become a way to remember you're gone.

That is STILL hard to swallow.

It's hard for me to remain hopeful when i know nothing can fill the current void in my heart. Without hope and patience and belief there is no way will make it.
I have realized that I don't miss you, the way you are now, i miss the women you were before november 17th. I think that is why even when i see you i am not healed or any better than I was before i saw you. Because i miss the Real you.
I have to go... dad is home with groceries.

I Love you. I am waiting for the day you come back to me...