Considering this is the first day I've had the strength or to be truthful, desire to blog in any sense since surgery, I'm just going to bullet point some ideas I want to come back to.
Here we go:
-Hospital days and the things you block out from previous surgeries:
I.e. IV's, your last moments walking and how all you want to do is sit down & chain yourself to the hospital floor, how you say before the pre-op room you have to go to the bathroom, but actually throw up out of nerves and scan for all the exits ( even from the fourth floor). How no matter how strong you try to be the doctor will always make you cry going over the surgery, and the fearful trip from gurney to the OR table and how you cry like an infant when your friends cant see.
- post surgery: friends who stay, get "creative" with gowns, video record you, arrive just in the nick of time to stop you from feeling defeated and instead, spoon feed you peas in between delicious snuck-in donuts because you're too weak to feed yourself, fathers who will sing Annie with your medicated self, surprises of a lifetime on your last night, and sharing the gospel and connecting your favorite nurse aid to church!
-why the hospital makes recovery seem ok, safe, less lonely...even without meds
-what emotions, mothers, and new seasons and living quarters really mean.
-the necessity of friends and family surprises, even if they are cities, states, and 5 minutes away.
I'll be back soon. Even in the bad days there is light...even if that light is only in the form of funny dreams, hugs when you're too afraid to ask, or yoga pants.
Love always and forever