Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Where is my mind at?

 Summer is close. Only two to three weeks left of my first year of college. Two to three weeks that are full of Shakespeare papers, Psychology reports, Bible papers, and so many crazy tests and assignments you thought you could forget about.
Lately, I have realized how quickly this summer break has come up on me. Being busy finishing the school guide for work this week and somehow going from having four free weekend in April to having one Sunday free of commitments… and that’s a maybe…has made me never stop to think of my summer plans.

Last week I was talking with two very influential people on campus over lunch and they asked me
“ So Brittany, what are your plans for the summer?”
I sat stunned.
 Focusing so much on papers, weekend chats with friends, choir concerts and benefits, interviews and book writing I was always caught up with the now. Why does this scare me?

I’m a planner, it’s what I do. I like being productive. I like being stressed to some extent because I know that means I’m not wasting time…I’m moving forward towards my goals, progressing.

So why is it that my only concrete plan for the summer a Environmental Science class at Sierra?
                           No definite job plan, except some babysitting. No secured date for our Santa Cruz weekend trip. No certainty of when/if I will be visiting the beach.
Everything that I have in mind is just an idea… and while I’m almost certain, that being the way I am, these ideas will form themselves into plans to place on my calendar- it still scares me that they haven’t made it to that stage yet.

I was talking to Dad about this concern of mine this past weekend on the drive to San Jose and of course, being the man he is, he tried his best to remind me that I am succeeding and I am doing things. He reminded me of all that I’ve accomplished this year including maintaining pretty decent grades and said that it is okay to just enjoy myself sometimes too. I realized in that moment that the reason I have this concern over the summer is because I don’t want to waste time.

Mom, I continually am learning how fast time goes and how precious life on this Earth can be. I don’t want to waste time “having fun” if there is a job out there that can get me closer to my goals and passions. I don’t want to waste time relaxing if I can be learning, if I can be bettering myself. School, work, volunteering: these are all things that help create a path for myself and they all happen to be what society expects of us soon-to-be real adults.

After some chocolate and lots of reflection on my conversation with Dad and others, I have decided something though: its okay. It’s okay for me to have one summer doing what I love most. It doesn't mean I'm wasting time. It’s okay not to have a plan of attack already scheduled for the summer on my calendar.
I need to relax. I need to go have fun and be with friends. I need to serve others in VBS and food banks and visit more nursing home clients…

 While consistent work hours are great and having concrete plans are great, it’s okay to do something different. I may even go as far to say that this different plan is acceptable.  

So Mom, this is what I’ve determined to do: I’m going to learn to be okay with the way my summer is looking today. I need to remind myself that I am doing things, I’m not completely lazy and unproductive. I have babysitting and summer classes and the hopes of fun weeks with my friends on the horizon.

It’s all going to be alright.This is a good thing.

                                                                                                           ...Thanks Mom for listening.
Love Always and Forever
Your Daughter,