Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Delicate, Tender, Softly-Unstoppable Power.

Dear Mom,
After basically throwing back this book in less than a day-- these words keep me chewing: 

“You don’t feel your own power right now and I understand…yours is not the kind that wants to announce itself. It is slow... and quiet...and tucks in behind things-- waiting to be discovered. Some people have power that is thick and neon-colored, and races around the room making sure everyone pays attention to it… it's fascinating, but it's not yours. You are learning how to hold yourself up and believe in the strength of your own conviction. That is not an easy thing to do and you are doing the best you can. Keep going. I am very proud of you. "-Sara Bareilles, Sounds Like Me.

These recent months I've found myself in unfamiliar territory...funny how surrender seems to do that to a soul...drawing us to depth we never could see until we collapsed into it. 

Today was basically a "deja vu" of yesterday. I found myself planted in a Starbucks for three hours around the stroke of two... with merely my journal, Bible, and a pen. Chewing on all that God's been inviting me to. 

So what exactly is that? Well it's all a blur to me right now, but one thing is clear... 

--He's calling me to accept bigger plans for my life than I thought was available to me. 

The more I read Isaiah 61, the more I realized all conversations have really led to this...to the opportunity to accept the MORE, to believe the MORE is possible, that perhaps I'm even being prepared for it, like it's happening in my midst and I didn't even see it? 

My power may not be as exuberant or flashy as the others I see, but that is not a disqualification. The power God has set in me, He's inviting me to discover. To agree with what I find. It's been a journey to accept the call. My mind has known it all along,the words of Isaiah 61 ring true, but discovering it for my heart has been a slow uncovering. A peeling back...similar to the moment as a child where you peel off your fruit roll-up. You know it's worth it, but man is it a pain to find a corner you can start with (on a practical level)! 

God is revealing that the leader, the woman, He's made me to be needs to stand steady on the convictions that He places within me. To fight tooth and nail in courage and obedience for the fulfillment of what He's marked me with, the dreams He's planted, the restoration and radiance He's called me to walk in TODAY. He's promised so many good things of nations and rebuilding and spiritual work and beauty instead of ashes. He calls me to the announcement of the mission, the restoration and the new covenant that comes in walking the mission out, the rejoicing and the promises of blessedness for the church and it's people to be fulfilled...it's all too much to swallow. 
It gives me butterflies... of shock and joyful anticipation...to see Him bring it forth.

It's so gentle and kind that He reveals Is. 61 as part of the core of Is. 58. The one movie that triggered a catalytic reaction towards surrendering my life to God in its entirety for the orphan, the poor, for people...whatever His work and way. 

Yesterday and today were days of delicate holding. My heart feels tender towards all that is swirling within, the things that have yet to be confined to the meaning of words. I'm learning my heartbreak and my tears can be reminders of my soft, yet unstoppable power with Christ. The power to love far deeper than the world finds comfortable. The power to speak up, to claim the good in the room. The power to draw out the thankfulness... as we remember the monuments created from eternal celebration and victory of our collective past. The power to be completely me. The leader of a thousand unseen battles waged in words of prayer, hope, love and unshakable faith for details often overlooked. 

I think I've come to an understanding with myself that power IS slow and quiet, because it's not my power anyway. 
I'm not a flashy sort of person, but that doesn't mean that there is nothing to see--See God. 
See the slow, quiet, delicate, soft ways He's moving among us. His transformation happens in the gentle touch of His fingertip...His power can come in a controlled manner just as easily as a voiceterous way. He's waiting to be discovered in the tender, exquisite, graceful unveiling sort of ways of His power too. 
There are many ways of power, and I'm learning to embrace the journey of learning mine. 

We're an unstoppable force--a delightful pairing-- if I do say so myself, God and I. 
Thanks for already knowing that Mom. 

Love Always and Forever,