Emails. Words. Encouragement?

written 5/24/12

 Mom,
He said it was very powerful. He said that he would encourage me to follow this through to publishing.

My book proposal is in its third stage now. After writing then re-writing and submitting...I have finally gotten feedback. 

Of course, when I first saw that email pop up in my inbox, I about wanted to cry realizing things had finally come full circle.

I had the idea of writing a memoir about you and the impact of your disease on our family--> I wrote it (the book proposal that is, with the sample chapter...just one thankfully!) ---> I sent it to be read by a published author and get his feedback.

Now comes the scariest part(and I thought that would be reading his response!)...

 I have to implement his critiques, tighten my work, add a few more letters I wrote to you around your final days with us, and submit it back to him so that he can send it to his agent for his rough critics and own thoughts on if this is something I should pursue as a... wait for it...CAREER.

This is all so surreal to me. My goal with writing this book proposal and chapter has never really been to write the book. Sure, that is my end goal, but I'm not even a graduate with my Bachelor of Arts yet.

The whole time I've been working on this project I kept telling myself: "You don't have time to write this book anyways so don't freak out if he hates it...you've got time".

Oh boy, am I so glad that I can still say that to myself..."I still have time, your goal isn't to write a book in college, it's to learn and grow...take the feedback you get and edit like crazy!"

Mom, I'm going to edit like crazy.... and then I'm going to submit this back and wait for the agent's edits/critiques/thoughts...and then I'm going to sit and take a deep breathe...and then I'm going to share what I wrote.

I am excited and terrified about what an actual agent may say about my work. Now this is not because I care at this point, in my so called writing "career", if my book will get published by him. I have these feelings simply because of the learning that can take place.

That is what I love about where I'm at right now as a writer.

I'm far enough away from entering the workforce that I don't need to already have this book proposal fine tuned. I'm far enough away from the age and the experience level that I will need to have to be taken seriously. I can simply take these critiques and emails as learning opportunities.

 I have enough time to grow and improve that I don't need to worry if this book gets published right this minute, because I don't have the stress of relying on my writing for income purposes just yet.

All this to say Mom, your story is being heard. Right now just by two more people...but eventually years from now by hundreds... maybe even several hundreds.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity I've had to write this proposal and even more so to share your story. I have faith in the future. I have faith that your story will shine stronger and brighter, no matter how poor my writing is, because I took these opportunities to share it with others.

I love you, so much.

I'm so sorry that this is what happened, but I love you more and more each day because of what you've allowed me to see and learn through this struggle of yours... and ours as a family.

Thank you Mom, for being who you are. For always standing strong even when the world did everything it could to tear you down.

 The world didn't win, Mom. You did. You won the fight against Moya Moya, not because you physically survived it, but because your heart and your love overcame it.

You won because you survived in the hearts of others. You won because you gave everything you had... and in doing so you taught us so much and loved us even more.

Love Always and Forever
Your Daughter,
Brittany