Lately I have been feeling this hole somewhere in myself. This void that just appeared out of no where...and I just discovered, while reading a friend's blog, what it was. I have been void of my inspiration to blog.
I've never had issues figuring out what to write about, Mom, because I know the reason why I write. I write to make myself feel whole again. I write to stay invisibly connected to you.
I write to regain some piece of you that I lost amongst the "healing and moving forth process." My own mind, to protect itself, temporarily forgot experiences we've had together...because if I remembered them all I don't think I could find any peace. The one thing I just realized though is by protecting myself and learning how to continue on without you, I have somehow shut myself off to the lessons that can be learned and the pieces of my heart that can be healed by remembering.
Mom, the reason why I had temporarily lost my inspiration to write was because I turned this into a homework assignment. You see, I'm in a class here that is titled "How to write a novel" and our homework assignment was to either create a blog on the topic we wanted our book to be based on, or to keep writing about our topic on a blog.
Mom, I want to write about us.
I want to write about you and your story and how your story affected our family, affected me. I want to write about how we became a closer,stronger, more loving family because of our hardships.
A story about a Moya Moya patient whose surgery failed her. Not just about the disease, but about the beautiful women that suddenly found herself trapped behind the disease... and how her family learned and grew with her.
I want to write about the days of:
paper airplanes aimed at the laundry basket you carried
the yellow and blue checkered dresses for picture day
the days of you watching me at physical therapy
cooking one of dad's favorite meals, Salisbury steak
dad bringing you home flowers just because
watching three movies you said Shelby and I had to see: Flash Dance, The Notebook, and Breakfast at Tiffany's
transferring the laundry pile that was in the dryer onto the couch in front of the TV--so you could multitask
Everyday at noon catching you home from work with your lunch
and cherry Pepsi with ice watching All My Children.
I want to write about the life that came before the illness, and the growth that came after...
I want to write about the love.
Mom, I have found my focus. I have remembered my inspiration.
Inspiration comes from our life as SB squared, my inspiration comes from you.
Love Always and Forever
Your Daughter,
Brittany
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