I can't believe it. Fall semester is over.
Even more shocking for me is how sad I am that it is.
Advanced Placement. Those two words alone terrify my soul. I never have believed that I deserve to be in a class with such
prestige. I'm not advanced in any manner, I'm just Britt.
Yet, despite my fears I entered Advanced Placement Literature this fall. Still scared of failure, I contemplated whether my writing could support me and whether I would be able to produce work my teacher could be proud of.
Looking back now I realize neither of those things truly matter...sure writing was 70% of my grade, but writing techniques will never be the answer to the question : Am I good enough for "Advanced Placement"?
What I gained from Ap Literature, what I gained from my teacher, was a mentality that my life is a lovely piece of work. I learned that despite heartache, difficulties focusing, and my momentary defeatist attitude...my life is so lovely.
I learned in Ap Lit who to analyze a piece of literary merit. I learned about syntax, Shakespeare, and open questions...At least that was the learning supported by curriculum.
However, in my mind I learned far beyond what my Bedford reader could provide me with. I learned that I am good enough. I learned that smarts aren't measured in grades. I was able to shape my own definition of what "smart" is.
People who are smart to me: pour their heart into their work, invest in others, use their tools and strengths to make a difference, and they believe in themselves and the power they hold with their words.
I became smart in Ap Lit. I learned how to put my heart out on paper. I learned how to analyze piece of work, yes...but I learned how to make that analysis
mine. I invested in others success by joining study groups at Starbucks with my Ap Lit family members and aiding them when I could.
I, through my time in Ap Lit, had a moment of
self awakening where I realized that in order for my writing to evoke change, I had to believe in the words that I wrote. I had to believe in what I wrote not only when I composed letters or blog entries -but every time I that I created a written work. No matter the style: expressive, analytical or expository- I still had to believe in what I said. It was Ap Lit where I learned to become passionate every time my pen hit the paper. I broke down my barriers.
It has always been difficult to find my voice when I write for a class because I become overly absorbed in the grade. I would always imagine my teacher with a red pen checking grammar and tearing my work to shreds.
In Ap Lit that changed. I began to imagine my teacher as a friend, a mentor who wanted to watch me succeed in writing. I imagined my teacher with a cup of coffee and a nice, gentle blue pen to write her feedback with. I became less absorbed with whether a giant 8/9 was pasted on my paper or a measly 5...what mattered was if I got my point across. What mattered was whether I left a new piece of my heart on the page for all to read. Surprising to me, by owning my new mentality I actually received better scores.
I improved. Yet that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that I slowly recognized that I gave a piece of my heart to my readers.
I will forever miss my Ap Literature course. I wasn't just a student, I was part of a unique family. I was apart of a family who could write essays and attack prompts during the day, and then go to a midnight Harry Potter showing together at night.
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I love my classmates and my teacher... and I love the tools and insights into the world that I have gained by taking this "Advanced Placement"course.
My life is lovely because I love my life. My life is lovely because I am passionate about what I do. My life is lovely because the people in it are lovely.
Live a life that is lovely. Define for yourself who you wish to be and what you wish to share with others... and chase after it, forever.
With Love,
Brittany
