What is beautiful to me?
The unknown…
Less than a day ago, I attempted to put my feelings into words. I failed miserably.
Sure, I talked for an hour but I don’t think I really got to the point of what my heart really wanted to say. I failed, that’s okay.
That is beautiful. My thoughts, my inability to comprehend my world, that’s okay.
Ask me if that was okay yesterday evening…. I would easily say: absolutely not.
I want to find beauty amongst those things I don’t understand. There is a reason behind not understanding our pain. Its what makes us real. Its what makes our emotion real. Its what leads to self discovery.
Right this very moment, I am drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper and listening to Switchfoot’s “Your love is a song” on repeat. That is beautiful. I love being able to acknowledge that I am hurting, to acknowledge that something inside of me is preventing me from feeling what I wish… and yet still being able find strength to live my life and move forward. In due time, whatever it is that is holding me back will disappear. In time I will be able to say: yes, finally my heart is at peace…finally I’m able to let out my thoughts again. Finally, I can speak.
It’s beautiful to me that my heart feels like I can’t talk. I love that feeling, because it’s honest and pure. No barriers…simply the truth. I have talked so much that I no longer feel the pain that lies behind the story I tell. I feel I have abused the privilege of having words. I’m not upset about that. You know why? Because it teaches me that words are precious.
It teaches me that words are beautiful. They can hurt, heal, love, attack, penetrate, acknowledge, inspire... Words can teach us about the world. Words create the framework for stories.
Stories are precious insights into purpose. My mom’s story is precious. There is purpose behind her pain. Her struggle, her story sheds light for me on the importance of loving…of reminding people in your world that they affect you. ..Reminding people that they are beautiful.
Not just physically beautiful, but their life is beautiful. Their hearts are beautiful.
I love finding beauty amongst my pain. I love finding the beauty between the confusion and frustration.
I love finding beauty while sitting on a park bench, wearing sunglasses, when the sun has already set…I love finding beauty in my friend’s hearts…I love finding beauty in my inabilities. My feelings still have no words, no clear descriptions… but they are beautiful. Find what makes your pain beautiful. Live in the beauty that lies within your own discovery.
No comments:
Post a Comment